Pamela Meyer Quotes

It’s counterintuitive to take a long time to hire someone, but it will save you enormous amounts of time and money later. Our biggest mistakes in hiring stem from speed.

In the split-second before someone prepares to answer a question, he will consciously or subconsciously evaluate what the best possible answer might be. For a truthful person, the best possible answer might omit some information. It might have a few extraneous details. But it will still offer the information requested.

Business is a battlefield. You need to be able to go to battle with your team members. Like the military. Know them, trust them, and know who you’re working with.

The ‘problem lies‘ are the half-dozen or so falsehoods we hear every day that can lead us down the wrong path in our careers, change how we do business, or dramatically influence our personal lives.

Studies by several different researchers have shown that the number of lies we’re told each day is anywhere from 20 – 200. To many, that will seem shockingly high. Yet it isn’t, in light of humans being ill-suited to detect lies. The average human can detect a lie only 54% of the time.

Deception can cost billions. Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis. Or in the case of double agents and traitors, like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames, lies can betray our country. They can compromise our security. They can undermine democracy. They can cause the deaths of those that defend us.

Breaks in trust are infuriating and hurtful, but they don’t entitle you to flame out, throw a fit, or stomp around rolling your eyes. Try to keep the steam from coming out of your ears.

Lying is a cooperative act. Think about it. A lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance. Its power emerges when someone else agrees to believe the lie.

A narcissist like Trump must constantly inflate and exaggerate in order to keep the supply trains running. He has to brag about how, ‘I have a very high IQ’ or concoct stories about people agreeing with him.

A good lie detector doesn’t jump to conclusions but tries to understand the person across the table, her personality, and her motivations. Your goal as a lie spotter isn’t to point the finger and say, ‘You’re lying‘ – your goal is to get to the truth.

If you’re an average married couple, you’re going to lie to your spouse in one out of every 10 interactions. Now, you may think that’s bad. If you’re unmarried, that number drops to three.

When a pointed question is beaten back with an attack or threat of, ‘How dare you…’ it’s a reliable signal that deception is involved. Trump is a master at this.

Speaking of trust, ever since I wrote this book, ‘Liespotting,’ no one wants to meet me in person anymore – no, no, no, no, no. They say, ‘It’s okay. We’ll email you.’ I can’t even get a coffee date at Starbucks. My husband‘s like, ‘Honey, deception? Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?’

By the time we enter this work world and we’re breadwinners, we enter a world that’s just cluttered with spam, fake, digital friends, partisan media, ingenious identity thieves, world-class Ponzi schemers – a deception epidemic.

The more you talk about – and live by – your principles, the harder it will be for others to treat you in a morally ambiguous manner.

Truth-tellers who expect others to believe them tend to speak naturally and un-self-consciously. But if they don’t expect to be believed, they may try too hard to seem honest. Unfortunately, the result makes them sound less believable. Obviously, then, not every oddly phrased statement is a lie.

Not all lies are harmful. Sometimes we’re willing participants in deception for the sake of social dignity, maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret. We say, ‘Nice song.’ ‘Honey, you don’t look fat in that, no.’

Liars do look you in the eye. They do not always stutter, stammer, blush or fidget.

A liar often smiles subtly while telling a lie; it’s an unconscious expression of his delight in getting away with a whopper.

Nothing is certain in life but death and taxes. And in Donald Trump’s case, lies.

Cultists do not want to admit they have been manipulated by charisma. Nigerian money scheme victims do not want to accept that they had been swindled. To accept those realities is to accept their own faults. Denial of our own weaknesses is something we all suffer from time to time.

As someone who specializes in deception, I’ll tell you this much: When someone insistently implores, ‘Believe me,’ don’t. Pleading ‘believe me’ or ‘trust me‘ – insisting to people that you are telling the truth – is a tell-tale sign that you probably aren’t.

Maybe Trump isn’t a racist in private. But he’s sure acting like one in public. And his body language is corroborating the evidence.

One-year-olds learn concealment. Five-year-olds lie outright: they manipulate via flattery. Nine-year-olds – masters of the cover-up. By the time you enter college, you’re going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions.

Lying is the rule, not the exception.

Contempt is the only asymmetrical facial expression, so it’s easy to spot once you’re aware of its signs. One researcher has successfully tracked it in couples as a predictor of divorce. When someone is angry at you, you’ve still got traction with them, but when they display contempt, you’ve been dismissed.

High-stakes lying is out of control. And it’s costing us big bucks in one way or another. It’s not simply a matter of quantifying losses in dollars. It’s costing us emotionally and psychologically as well.

White lies keep social dignity intact and are far more prevalent than most people realize. Several studies have found that an average person is lied to from 10 to 200 times a day – mostly just to keep a conversation going, to avoid conflict, or to establish a connection with someone.

Like it or not, we are all liars. Thank goodness. Imagine going through life where everyone is completely honest: ‘Those shoes… look like something out of an early Cyndi Lauper video.’ ‘Your daughter… looks like the spawn of Honey Boo Boo and Elmer Fudd.’

Con men look for human frailty to exploit. This is most often greed. Trump found a different vice: anger. The emotional are always the most susceptible to manipulation.

Tales of cheating on school and college tests are rife. There have been instances where teachers have given students test answers in order to make themselves look good on their performance reviews. Mentors who should be teaching the opposite are sending a message that lying and cheating are acceptable.

Contempt is the only asymmetrical expression in the muscular facial system: Disgust, fear, happiness, surprise and anger typically express themselves symmetrically. Contempt is marked by one lip corner pulled up and in a dismissive sneer.

Lying in the political sphere has gotten out of hand, and because people tend to dismiss things that challenge their preconceived notions of the world, fact checkers can only play a small part in remedying the problem.

Tell the lie over and over and over. It’s an art that Trump understands well. There’s no better evidence than his absolutely false claim that he opposed the Iraq War in 2002.

We lie more to strangers than we lie to co-workers. Extroverts lie more than introverts. Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do other people. Women lie more to protect other people.