Carrot Top Quotes

Comics don’t like to see other comics do well.

It’s our nature: Human beings like success but they hate successful people.

I had a Neighborhood Crime Watch sign in my dorm wall in college. People would come in and laugh at it. ‘Where did you get it?’ ‘I took it. How good is their Neighborhood Crime Watch if they can’t even watch their sign?’

My manager has a car payment, so I work every night.

I’ve experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn’t do very well. And there are times when something I don’t think is funny makes the audience laugh so hard.

I think the more you do this and the more comfortable you become on stage, you start speaking more and becoming more of a character in yourself.

I love to shop, especially in retro stores. I have about a million pairs of old-school sports shoes like Adidas, so that’s probably my biggest vice.

I’d love to be animated. I’ve always wanted to jump off of a bridge and not be hurt, like Bugs Bunny.

It’s weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends.

Video games are so popular these days, getting the opportunity to star in one is something special. More people should do it.

I think it’s important for me, for my crew and for the audience to bring something new to each show. I have friends who have done the same act, word for word for word, for 20 years. I have a problem with that. I think the audience should see something new in each show.

Everybody has their own style. If you went to the movies every week and everybody acted the same way Tom Cruise did, boy, wouldn’t that suck?

I’ve always believed that it’s important to give something back to the world and community.

I have a home in Orlando. That’s kind of my default ‘getaway’ city.

On the weekends, I would go down and play these clubs in Key West or West Palm Beach or surrounding areas of Florida and then I’d go back to school for the week.

I’ve got the long hair and kind of androgynous look. It’s love-hate; it’s sexy, but not sexy. So it’s either you get it or you don’t.

The blessing is that everyone knows who I am because of the commercials.

I think, over the years, I’ve kind of evolved.

My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.

I have to go out for lunch and dinner because I can’t cook. I need a woman to come and save me from my cooking.

People always want to put a label on you; they always want to compare you to something.

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

I think it’s the fact that I do something different and that I actually have some success with it. That bothers a lot of people… especially comics.

I’ve always wanted to do a segment on a talk show. Jay Leno has been such a good friend, and if he would allow me, I’d have to get it all together, but I’d like to go on ‘The Tonight Show‘ and do a set with no props. Or come out with a trunk and never touch it. Or come out with a clear trunk with nothing in it.

Me in drag is kind of scary, actually. It’s frightening. I actually look pretty good.

Like I told Howard, I can’t help it that I’m beautiful.

I would like to be someone like Steve Martin. That’s the path I’d like to follow.

Before I got addicted to comedy, I was seriously thinking about playing tennis full time. I joined the tennis team and played with a lot of professionals.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to reach out to new fans.

I always thought marketing in general was an interesting kind of thing. I always liked commercials and billboards.